I am back to my dramatic self and I am so used to this fluctuating emotions each year that I got used it. But at this point, I realized that being like this only means that all those lessons I’ve leaned from Raj Yoga, Kriya techniques, chanting hare Krishna’s maha mantra didn’t give justice in improving my pattern of thinking and how I structure and form my thoughts when it comes to life’s conundrums. But as they say, it is impossible to be perfect and it’s always natural you’ll get sidetracked. One important thing is that when you are at your lowest point in your life, you know how to find solutions and fix yourself up.
Just to let you in on how I’m doing lately on an emotional aspect, my mind is currently infested with so many waste thoughts and it’s piling up nonstop without any control to dislodge them one by one, like annoying bells clanging in your ears, loud and deafening Because of the noise, I am getting frequent migraines which could lead to something serious if I don’t do something about it.
Totally choosing the pathetic and conventional way of handling difficult situations like what the majority are doing, I tried all the escape routes available in front of me, from solo traveling, weekend staycations , attending events and dating without any serious commitment.
Then one day, out of the blue, I cried and all the bitter things that happened to me came rushing back like heavy current trying to drown me to misery.
I’m starting to have a mild depression.
And I have no one to talk to.
I realized if I don’t stop all these things and continue to neglect what’s really important in my life, I will end up becoming a damaged person and I can’t afford that because there’s still 2 human beings who need me in this world totally dependent on me.
I need to quiet my mind and I am in desperate need of help.
I applied in a Vipassana course (10 day silent retreat last month and I have been praying that my name will get shortlisted and I guess the Universe heard me!
So, for the coming days, from April 10-21, I will be away from the noise of social media, no phone, no internet, no reading, no writing, and no talking for 10 days! This will be one heck of a challenge for me and to be honest, I am anxious to start the course! The Vipassana meditation is an ancient technique taught by the buddha which means” to see things as they really are”. It has been known to strengthen and sharpen your mind, increase self-awareness and helps to have a balance mind full of love and compassion, and many more.
So, let’s see how I’ll turn out to be after being “imprisoned” in a silent jail.
I’ll be sharing my experience to all of you.
Wish me luck.